Just another story another day before today
skrivet 2009-09-13 klockan 15:46:50

Ett samtal med en vän denna söndagsmorgon snurrade åter igen igång tankeverksamheten kring kärlek och trasade förhållanden. Handlar det inte om nya dieter, senaste modetrenden, fotografering, upplevelseresor, babylycka, husköp eller träning numera så handlar det onekligen om kärlek (och desto oftare om ickekärlek), så mycket kan jag ju konstatera. Så här kommer ett inlägg med tankar från ett tag tillbaks som handlar om..just det..kärlek! (Why in english? Jo för att ibland är det lättare att uttrycka sig på ett annat språk helt enkelt och det får ibland även en helt annan mening.)

Alright. So here i am, at 2.30 in the morning, my heart is in so much pain, i am trying to find some sort of logical reason how that person who i am keep trying to establish a healthy relationship to just let me lose him again. He says he doesn't know if he loves me. At the same time he says he has never loved someone before as much as he has loved me. But is it really like that? Isn't it like that you either love someone or you're not? This made me want to find the right way to explain it - or maybe just to myself - what LOVE is. Because i've been there, it happened to me, i'm pretty sure of that. I guess love is an instant thing. It's like i said, either there or not. And it happens so quickly, you don't even notice it. When you meet with that special person the first time, you know nothing about each other. Nothing at all. And despite all the rationality something just happens. You want to spend hours with that person, you want to just listen to what he/she says - even if it would be a big pile of rubbish if it'd come out from somebody else's mouth. He/she makes you laugh like no others. You can be the strongest, most confident person in the whole wide world, but you just can't stop those shaky legs, don't seem to be able to put one sensible sentence together - nor stop talking because you are too worried it will get awkward and weird. At the end of the night of your first meeting you wish time would stop there and then at that perfect moment - when only the two of you exist in the Universe - would never end. You've just said goodbye 5 minutes ago but you already feel like you have many new stories to tell him/her. You can't sleep because all you can think of how great you felt with that person and you are trying to figure out how can it be so easy and smooth? You get changed several times before the next meeting because you want to make sure you look your best so he/she just won't be able to take his/her eyes off you. And then all of a sudden this person becomes part of your every moment in the day. You can't focus at work, keep recalling those perfect nights together, call in sick because you want to stay in bed with him/her as long as possible, you are so proud of this person in your life that you want to introduce him/her to everyone from the local postman to your best friends and your family, and this is the person who is the reason why you cancel dinner with your best friend.. And then.. You realize that so much time gone past and that this person is still there. And you became one very special and unique thing together that you never want to lose. Hopefully it lasts for a while. But there are times when it comes to an end. More often then never. And I don't know why. I guess as us, humans constantly growing, developing, making changes and decisions in our lives as individuals; creates the chance to grow apart. And it hurts. And seems like the end of the World has came. And you suffer. Can't eat or sleep. Want to hate the one, think of every bad and negative you just can remember of but still can't hate him/her. This is love. Still. Even if it's now making you suffer. And then it starts again. And you are putting your heart out there for someone else who might break it, but who cares when it's feels soooo good to have that warm and fuzzy feeling inside for whatever long it lasts? Rather a broken heart then a heart that never been used for anything.



 

 

 

 


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